Mar 31
2008

April Fools

Every year I look forward to reading about what MIT students do for April fools. As I write this I’m sure there are at work on their highly elaborate prank. They have hacked websites and made VW bugs appear in conspicuous places like dorm rooms and the Golden gate bridge. I love nerd pranks. Their awesome.

One year I called all my sisters and breathed heavily on the phone as I told them I was watching them and knew what they were doing. But before I could laugh and yell April fools the damage was done. They hung up in genuine fear and they haven’t let me live it down. So, that was a bad idea. This year I’m gonna answer our home phone with various greetings like “Bob’s pizza palace,” or in my best Indian accent say, “Hello, my name is Habib.” I don’t know, it’s kindda lame. Maybe I won’t do anything this year. I’ll go shopping instead.

Mar 31
2008

Starbucks Sucks

My daughter and I went on a walk through the trails in our neighborhood today. The trail has two monolith sized bridges for the minuscule creeks. She likes to drops twigs, rocks and pine cones from it into the creek and watch them float away. She is so precious. She had me hold rocks and sticks for her. And we talked about whatever.

Ever so often she graces me with a one-way conversation of her own. It’s the cutest thing. I don’t know what she is saying but I thank God I get to witness and be apart of it. Today she must have said five sentences in a row. I can tell it was a funny story because there were fluctuations in her tone that ended with a laugh. Most of the time our conversations are peppered with her “yes’s, ” “oh’s” like she is intrigued by what I’ve said.

On our walk we took a detour to the local Starbucks. I went in to use a gift card. I got a mocha and a kid’s hot chocolate. I don’t normally hate. But I hate Starbucks coffee. And I think I hate the player as much as I hate the game. The player called advertising. Starbucks doesn’t sell coffee. They sell a trend, a status, a label, a syrupy drink with rancid coffee grounds. Little do consumers know that the green logo’d coffee drink they tote is burnt, jock strap brewed coffee beans masked under a plethora of syrupy flavors. Coffee is a beautiful refined bean that when roasted with respect will produce a delicious steamy drink of black earthy goodness. I didn’t do any extensive research but I’m sure at some point in history coffee beans were a currency. So valuable and tasty. Not massively produced in a factory like toilet plungers.

And dare I say, people who like Starbucks coffee have never had good coffee. It’s like saying you like McDonalds. McDonalds is disgusting. They don’t sell hamburgers I can tell you that. When your lips have touched a well made hamburger either made by yourself or by a self respecting chef, you know, a Big Mac is a poor excuse for a hamburger. I should have tossed the gift card in the garbage. I couldn’t live with myself if I encouraged bad coffee.

Consumers can be blind sheep buying and believing what ever billionaire advertiser tells them to believe. Good coffee doesn’t need anything artificial to make it taste good. It doesn’t need anything because good coffee is perfect. Trust me. Starbucks is disgusting and the shareholders are laughing all the way to the bank thanks to bleating consumers.

And if you love Starbucks, I say… try Kavali brothers, illy coffee or the special blend they serve at the Original pancake house.